I finally saw it. Talking about “The Shack”. The movie lived up to the hype. But it meant so much more for me. You see, I had my own “Shack” experience. The details were different of course, but I had an encounter with Papa similar in nature to what Mac experienced in “The Shack”. And as with Mac it changed me forever.

 

The similarities are that both Mac and I had a terrible tragedy happen. We both had a prolonged period of grief and sadness. And we both had a sudden encounter with God that changed us forever. We could never be the same again. SPOILER ALERT! I don’t want to spoil the movie too much. But there are details I need to talk about. So if you have not yet seen or read “The Shack” you might want to stop reading here. It won’t really spoil the movie entirely. Many who read the book then saw the movie were fine with it. You will still enjoy the movie if you choose to read on.

 

I was part of the “normal” charismatic stream for many years. Believed all the “right” doctrines on hell, penal substitution, conditional salvation, etc. Then in 2002 tragedy struck suddenly. We were going happily along you know? We were doing well, had two paid off homes one of which we rented and provided an income in addition to my salary. I mean we had it goooood! Then it happened. Gida had diabetes very bad and went in for a gastric bypass. We thought it would be a couple of days in the hospital then home and recovering for Thanksgiving. Things did not go well though and she had an extended stay in the hospital. But she was recovering, just slower than expected. Then on November 12, 2002, my 50th birthday, I got the call everyone dreads. “Mr. Howell, your wife had a respiratory event and we were not able to bring her back.” She was gone. Just like that. Our marriage was over. She would never come home. I would never see her again. She would never cook for me again. I would never taste her baking again. She would not see our daughter get married. She would never see her grandchildren. She was gone! I blamed God. Oh outwardly I put on a brave face. I did all the things your were supposed to do. The stream I was in sang that song with the line “he gives and takes away, he gives and takes away, yet still will I say, blessed be the name of the Lord”. That’s how I was taught to be. But inside the anger and rage kept growing. I was miserable. This went on for years, most of the 2000s. I thought I saw some light in 2008 but ended up with a failed romance. I was about done. By 2011 I was seriously considering taking a bottle of pills and going to sleep forever.

 

By July of 2011 I was done. I prayed and said God if you don’t do something, I can’t promise I won’t do something. The sadness, the anger, was beginning to become overwhelming. Then one Wednesday evening, I was in the sound booth, and a man came and told of a spiritual father who held these “Son’s Gatherings” in the mountains of North Carolina. I knew in my heart that I had to go. So in August of 2011  10 men and I traveled from Long Island, NY to North Carolina. I did not know what to expect when I got there. My impression of the older men of God types were that they were scary. That was not what I experienced at all. The man was very open and loving and not scary at all. I broke as soon as I met him. Now he was not God, like in “The Shack”. But he was as close to it as I had ever experienced! Long story short I had the encounter of my life there. We were there for four days from Tuesday through Friday. On the Wednesday night, I had one of those dreams. In my dream I was wrestling with God. He kept pinning me at will asking me if I trusted him. Finally I yielded. I fell asleep and when I woke up everything was different! No more sadness. No more anger. All I could do was love on people! Everything looked as if it was formerly in black and white but now was in color! If you knew me before and after you would know how radical that was. I came home from there a changed man, and I never went back.

 

From that point on my life and my journey theologically changed direction 180 degrees. I will continue this in Part II. Stay tuned!